Fitness programs require you to weigh in on the first day. So to revamp your social life, you'll need to make a social assessment of yourself. Think (or write) of answers to the following questions. Be as honest as possible.
1. How do you believe other people currently perceive you.
2. How would you like to be perceived by others?
3. What are 3 behaviors or characteristics you would like to change?
4. What are 3 new behaviors or characteristics you would like to adopt?
Mission 2: Read and Destroy
Before moving onto the first field assignment, eliminate any beliefs you may have about interacting with women. Read the Day 1 briefing below.
Everyone is held back by some limiting belief. A limiting belief is something you believe about yourself, other people, or the world – and although it isn’t actually true, the fact that you think it is holds you back from experience and success. Anytime you think you “can’t” do something that’s within the realm of human possibility, that’s a limiting belief. Now, let’s clear the air and dispel a few of the most common limiting beliefs about dating.
LIMITING BELIEF: If I talk to her, she’ll ignore me – or even worse say something mean that will embarrass me.
REALITY: Here’s something that will surprise you. The harder it is for you to approach women, the less likely it is that you’ll be rudely rejected. Why is that? Because most people have been raised to be courteous and polite, unless they feel threatened – and a shy guy isn’t too likely to intimidate to anyone. The worst thing that’s likely to happen is that the woman will politely say that she is having a private conversation, or simply excuse herself to go the bathroom. Playing negative what-if scenarios in your head is detrimental to your emotional health. Instead, get out of the house and start approaching women, and you’ll discover that most of the things you imagine going wrong will never happen.
LIMITING BELIEF: People are looking at me, judging me, or making fun of me.
REALITY: This is half right. People may notice you, but they're not necessarily judging you – most of them are too busy worrying about what other people are thinking of them. Once you realize that most people are just like you – and that they're actually seeking your approval – you'll start to become socially fearless. Besides, most bystanders who see you approach a girl or a group assume that you know the people. So act like you do. Not only will it ease your worries about what everyone else is thinking, but it'll also make your approach more effective.
LIMITING BELIEF: Women aren’t attracted to nice guys. They like jerks.
REALITY: Fortunately, this is inaccurate. The dating dichotomy isn't actually between nice guys and mean guys, or good boys and bad boys. It's between weak guys and strong guys. Women are drawn to men who demonstrate strength -- not necessarily physical strength, but the ability to make them feel safe. So if you're a nice guy, you can still be nice, but you must also be strong. However, make sure you know what nice means, most guys who define themselves as "too nice" only behave nicely because they want everybody to like them and don't want anybody to think badly of them. So, if this is you, get off your nice high horse. Don't mistake being fearful and weak-minded for being nice.
LIMITING BELIEF: I'm not good looking, rich, or famous enough to be with a beautiful woman.
REALITY: There are plenty of multimillionaires who have the exact same problems with women that you do. Fortunately for men, the way we look doesn't matter nearly as much as how we present ourselves. And this requires only good grooming, and clothing that conveys an attractive identity. When it comes to wealth and fame, simply displaying the desire and ability to achieve them can be just as powerful. Like talent scouts, many women are attracted to men with goals and potential. And in the next 10 days, we'll be sharpening your appearance, goals, and perceived potential.
LIMITING BELIEF: There's this one girl ...
REALITY: There are many incredible women in this world. If you're hung up on one particular girl you can't get her out of your mind -- and she hasn't given you any sense that she shares the same feelings -- then recognize that's not love you're feeling, but obsession. And that obsession is likely to scare her away. The best thing you can do for yourself and her is to go out and interact with as many women as possible, until you realize that there are plenty of people out there for you -- some of whom are capable of recognizing your worth and reciprocating your feelings.
LIMITING BELIEF: All I have to do is "be myself," and eventually I'll meet the right woman who likes me for me. (Sounds like Petty)
REALITY: This works only if you know exactly who you are, what your strengths are, and how you convey them successfully. Most often, this statement is used as an excuse not to improve. What most of us present to the world isn't necessarily our true self: It's a combination of years of bad habits and fear-based behavior. Our real self lies buried underneath all the insecurities and inhibitions. So rather than just being yourself, focus on discovering and permanently bringing to the surface your best self.
LIMITING BELIEF: To figure out what women want, just ask them.
REALITY: This may be true sometimes, but not as often as people think. What women want isn't necessarily what women respond to. Furthermore, what women say they want may be what they want in a relationship, but it isn't always what attracts them during the courtship period. That said, most women will give you the information you need to attract them, but it's usually found between the lines.
LIMITING BELIEF: If I approach a woman, she'll know I'm hitting on her and think I'm lame.
REALITY: This is only partially true -- women think this only when men approach them badly. This includes men who make them uncomfortable, creep them out, or seem to have an agenda. The biggest mistake a man can make with a woman is hitting on her before she's attracted to him. And though this describes the so-called technique of most men, it's a mistake you'll avoid if you follow your daily missions. Few women will resent meeting someone who is warm, funny, sincere, interesting, engaging, makes them feel comfortable, and isn't going to sit around talking their ear off.
LIMITING BELIEF: Women don't like sex as much as men do. They're mostly interested in a relationship.
REALITY: If you believe that, you haven't spent enough time around women. Here are a few facts that may help dispel that belief: It's women, not men, who have an organ solely made for sexual pleasure: the clitoris, which has twice as many nerve endings as a man's entire penis. It's women, not men, whose orgasms can last minutes or longer. Most men have just one orgasm and then lose their arousal; most women can have orgasm after orgasm and many different types: clitoral, vaginal, blended, full-body, and psycholagnic. In short, good sex is even better for women than it is for men. So doesn't it make sense that they want it more?
Mission 3: Operation Small Talk
Your first field assignment: Make small talk with 5 strangers today. It doesn't matter whether they're male or female. Doesn't matter whether they are young or old, male or female. The stranger can be a businessman in the street, old lady in supermarket lane, or a homeless person.
The goal is to simply start a conversation, with no intent other than filling in the silence with a question or pleasantry. The conversation doesn't have to progress beyond a comment and a response.
If idle chatter doesn't come naturally to you, scan new headlines before you leave your apartment. Small-talk topics include:
- Weather: "It's beautiful out today. Too bad we're stuck inside."
- Sports: "Did you catch the ______ game last night? I couldn't believe it."
- Current events: "Did you hear that ________? What are they going to think of next?"
- Entertainment: "Have you seen the new _______ movie yet? I wonder if it's any good."
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